Time to Fly

Today I left my baby girl at school.

Actually, the more accurate description would be that today my baby girl kicked me out of her classroom.

I didn't cry at the school.  I may have cried a little on the way to school, and I may also have sobbed like a baby for a few minutes when I got home.  (And now, while I'm writing this post.)  But I didn't cry at the school.

Ellie was up at 7am, knocking on my door and announcing, "I'm a kindergartner!"  She was dressed before breakfast, and before anyone else in the house, including me.

We walked to school.  Well, Lexi and I walked.  Ellie ran and skipped the whole way.

As parents, we want our kids to grow up and try new things.  I've been excited to have the house to myself for a few hours each day for a very long time.  But now I'm feeling lonely.  I don't know what to do with myself.

Except, that is, for eating this bucket o' brownies that a friend gave me this morning.  She said she knew I'd need them.  It's good to have friends.

I miss my baby.  I miss all my girls, really.  It's awfully quiet here without them.

But I can't deny that Ellie is growing up.  She still needs me, but she's ready to be a little more independent, to experience the world for herself.

She's ready to spread her wings and fly.

Far be it from me to get in her way.

Tomorrow...

Tomorrow my baby starts school.  All-day school.

We've both been looking forward to this day for a very, very long time.

But now, suddenly, it's upon us and I'm not as excited as I thought I would be.

In fact, I'm a little bit weepy.

Ellie and I have been buddies all day, every day, just the two of us for the last four years, since Lexi started kindergarten.  I thought about taking her out for ice cream, or some other special treat, but then I realized I was the one who needed to be taken out for ice cream, and she doesn't have the funds for that.

So we just ran errands instead, like any other normal day around here.

And I took pictures.

You know, to remember.

Rushing off to save the day.  At Walmart (I know.)

"Look how else I can ride on it!"

"And also like this!"

Eating yogurt treats in the parking lot.

The last time we'll walk to school together to pick up
big sisters.  Tomorrow I'll be picking her up.

I'm really going to miss my goofball constant companion.

But I can't wait to hear all about her day tomorrow.

And I may have to indulge in some chocolate when I have the house to myself.

Shhh...don't tell Ellie.

9/11 Healing

Ten years later, I still remember how utterly surreal it was to go from watching Sesame Street to watching the world I knew change forever.

But while the world around me changed, I was not personally affected by the September 11 attacks.  No one I knew was flying that day.  I didn't know anyone working at the Pentagon, or a single person in New York City, let alone anyone in the World Trade towers.  While life for Americans in general changed, my own personal life was not altered in the horrific way it was for others.  I can't imagine the pain and horror those who were affected had to deal with.

Phyllis Rodriguez's son was in one of the Twin Towers that day.  It took 36 hours of anxiety before his family found out that he had been killed.  Aicha el-Wafi's son is Zacarias Moussaoui, who was sentenced as a conspirator in the attacks.  The two women have formed a beautiful, inspiring friendship that speaks volumes about the power of forgiveness, healing, and mutual understanding and respect.



It is my prayer today, and every day, that we as a human race can strive to, as Aicha el-Wafi says, "...all live together in peace, and respecting each other."

Small and Simple Things

Back in April I posted this, about the NAMIWalk I was participating in here in Portland.

I was stunned at the outpouring of support I received for this event.  Stunned and so grateful.

Clearly, there are more people concerned about fighting the stigma of mental illness than I first realized.  After I posted, I had friends come to me and tell me about someone they knew who was living with mental illness, or about their own personal struggles with it.

Just like many physical illnesses, it isn't immediately apparent when someone is mentally ill.  Your neighbor, co-worker, fellow parent on the playground, or acquaintance from church could be waging a silent war every single day, and you might never know it.  It's easy to feel helpless, to wonder what you can possibly do to help.  I know this; I spent four years trying to figure it out.

And then I learned more about NAMI.

NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) is the largest education, support, and advocacy organization that serves the needs of all those whose lives are touched by mental illness. This includes persons with mental illness, their families, friends, employers, the law enforcement community and policy makers.  And NAMIWalks is an opportunity to raise money for the various chapters of NAMI nationwide.

I know many of my readers live in Utah.  The Utah NAMIWalk is taking place in two weeks, on Sat. Sept. 24.  Several members of my family are participating in this event, and I encourage any of you who feel so inclined to consider joining them.  You don't have to join their team (although they'd probably welcome you with open arms); you can walk as an individual - it's what I did.  But it's a great way to spend a morning and help fight the stigma of mental illness.  (If you're not in Utah, you can always check here to find the date of the Walk in your area.)

It's not really a big deal.  It doesn't take that much time.  But there's a verse in the Book of Mormon that I've always loved: "...by small and simple things are great things brought to pass." (Alma 37:6)  Walking 5K on a Saturday morning may not seem like much, but it's a step in the right direction, and together we can make a difference.

Random Thoughts Thursday

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Ellie is currently planning out all the details for her birthday party.  Her birthday isn't for another month, but since this has been going on in some form or another for the last 10 months, I guess it's finally about time to take her seriously.

I got robocalls from the "credit card services department" at 10:30 last night and 6:30 this morning.  Nice.

Vicki's new shoes are only two sizes smaller than mine.  And she is, quite proudly, only 7 inches shorter than me.  I am not ready for this.

Turtle haiku!

I've been walking down to the school each afternoon, even though I don't technically have to go this week, since Ellie hasn't started yet and Lexi's old enough to walk home alone.  Talking to the other parents on the playground after school is my social outlet each day.

My sister-in-law sent me this link.  Some of them are really crude (Mom, you're probably going to be offended), but I was laughing so hard I was crying.

I've wondered sometimes if my memories of just how hilarious Lexi was when she was little are a little exaggerated.  After last night's discovery, it's clear they're not.  She has a one-of-a-kind personality, and she is awesome.

For the last three days, Ellie has started begging for lunch at 9:00 in the morning, approximately half an hour after she's finished breakfast.  Methinks this girl needs to be in school.

I've read a lot of blogs lately where parents talk about how sad they are sending their children off to school.  I don't feel that way.  Should I feel that way?  I love my kids, and I love spending time with them, but I also love the fact that they're stretching their wings by going off to school each day, learning new things and being with friends (and learning how to be with people who aren't friends.)

I'm hosting Book Club tonight, so I should probably get back to making my house presentable.  Well, at least the downstairs part.  What they can't see won't hurt me.

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Your turn!

If you do a Random Thoughts post on your own blog, I'd love to know about it!  Leave me a comment and I'll come read!

Blast From the Past

I was looking through some old files on my computer this afternoon and came across a priceless gem called "emails from Oregon".  When we first moved here, in my pre-blog days, I wrote a long email each Sunday night keeping the grandparents and aunts & uncles up to date on all our goings-on.  Once I started the blog the emails became redundant, so I stopped, but I'm so glad I saved everything.  I have had the most entertaining (and non-productive) evening reading back over it.

Allow me to share with you a little bit of what our life was like in 2005:

July 17

• Vicki appeared upstairs, announcing that Lexi was making a mess. I went downstairs to find that Lexi had apparently decided that she was in need of lotion, and finding none nearby, had decided that her yogurt, which, after all, was a pretty pink color, would work just as well.

July 31

• The other day the girls were singing a song from one of them [Veggie Tales videos] called "Stand Up for What You Believe In". There's a part in the song that goes, "God! He's the one who backs you up! He'll stand with you!" Well, they were disagreeing because Vicki thought the lyrics were, "God! He's the one who packs you up! He'll stand on you!" And Lexi, bless her heart, thought it was, "God! He's the one who vacuums up! He'll stand in you!"

August 14

• Lexi is still changing her identity on a regular basis, as frequently as she changes her clothes. This morning before church she threw a genuine teenager-worthy hissy fit while standing in her closet because, and I quote, “I hate these clothes!” (keep in mind that this was just three days after her 3rd birthday)

Sept. 4

• Lexi said our family prayer at bedtime a few nights ago, and asked Heavenly Father to "please bless Violet and Dash, and Mr. Incredible and Elastagirl, and Jack Jack in Elastagirl's belly." while nodding at each of us in turn...Lately she has been talking to me about when she was a grown up. She'll say things like, "When you were a little kid and I was a grown up, I made the bed and you messed it up!" (while, might I add, she's in the process of gleefully messing up the bed I just made), or "When you were a little kid and I was a grown up, I made cookies and you cried because I said no cookies until after dinner." And because I know you all need a good laugh, today in Sacrament meeting, she turned to me and announced, in a very non-reverent voice, "You know, my underwear is on backwards!”

Sept. 11

• Vicki said, “I know something that’s not appropriate for dates with boys.” We asked her what, and she said, in all seriousness, “Showing your underwear.”

Nov. 7

• [Ellie] is so calm, which is really really nice given the level of chaos that we generally have around here. She just observes. I only hope she's not saving up ideas for later that she'll unleash on us all at once. (clearly, she was)

Dec. 4

• Yesterday morning Vicki woke Chris and me up by announcing outside our bedroom door that she was "freakin' hungry".

also Dec. 4

• Lexi's new clothing issue arises each morning when I try to make her wear pants while we take Vicki to school. It's been pretty cold lately, and since we don't park the car in the garage, it's cold in the car. Lexi insists on wearing a dress every morning, only to get in the car and cry because her knees or her "little leggies" are "fweezing". However, when I try to make her wear pants instead of a dress, she cries because the pants "make me look weird".

I'll stop now.  There's plenty more where this came from, though.

Maybe you don't think my kids are as hilarious as I do, but I can't stop laughing.

Back to School!

It's back-to-school week around these parts!  Vicki and Lexi started today, but kindergarten doesn't start until next Wednesday, so poor Ellie, who has been waiting forever for her turn to go to school, still has another week to go.


Vicki was so excited to be able to choose her own
clothes.  I, on the other hand, wish the uniforms
continued through high school.


Vicki and her friends have made plans to meet up and walk to school together each day, but a few of us uncool parents insisted on joining them the first day.  You know, to humiliate them with cameras.  Nothing like starting middle school off on the right foot.  At least I didn't kiss her goodbye in the classroom - even Lexi would have balked at that this year.

Middle School, here we come!

Lexi insisted on getting a messenger bag instead of a backpack.  They must not be "the thing" anymore, because we had to search everywhere before we found one that her sense of style and my wallet could agree on.  The strap is so long it bangs her in the knees, but she loves it.  I did not tell her to pose like this for her picture - this is pure Lexi.  Also, note the fluorescent socks.  With a uniform, there are only so many ways to express yourself.  And for Lexi, day-glo socks are clearly the best.

Mighty 4th Grader!

First day down for two of them, one more to go.

It's going to be mighty quiet around here after next week.