This was me by 6pm yesterday.
The day was going really well, nothing exceptional, just a normal day, up until about 4pm. Then, essentially, all hell broke loose. I was working on a project for my sister in law (can't elaborate - Mother's Day is coming up and both our mothers read this blog), which involved a lot of uploading and such on the computer. It was rather stressful, making sure everything was done right, and when I hit the final "confirm" button, the next screen I got was Explorer's error screen, so I didn't even know if everything I had done had gone through. I went downstairs to call Emily and let her know that maybe everything was ready, and just as she answered I came upon Ellie, sitting in a very large puddle in the middle of the floor. I should mention that Ellie has been going through a bit of a regression this week, and finding her in the midst of a puddle is not surprising. However, this was not your ordinary puddle. So, hoping against hope that it was just water, although there were no cups or water bottles nearby, I asked her (with Emily on the other end of the phone, mind you) what she was sitting in.
"Ummm...a puddle of what, Ellie?"
I have no idea how long she'd been in said puddle, but she was certainly having a good time. Emily, meanwhile, was howling with laughter as I, in a huge state of panic, told her I'd call her back. I dragged Ellie upstairs and threw her in the bathtub ("In my clothes?") and then undressed her. Meanwhile, Vicki and Lexi , being somewhat responsible, had headed upstairs to do their daily jobs (clean up the bedroom and playroom - they alternate days), but just couldn't seem to remember which room they were on, so rather than check the calendar that I made to counter such convenient forgetfulness, they decided to first shout at me to tell them, and then argue amongst themselves. They both thought they were on the bedroom, which, of course, was the cleaner of the two rooms. During all this screaming (I had no idea which room they were on but was a little too preoccupied to check for them), I was mopping up the floor and trying unsuccessfully to avoid getting my socks wet. Plus, darting into the bathroom periodically to make sure Ellie wasn't drowning or flooding the bathroom. I finished cleaning up the floor, found the calendar and told the girls which room they were on, checked on Ellie again, and called Emily back. She was, of course, still laughing (just wait, Em!) As soon as we got a conversation going a new fight broke out between Vicki and Lexi, this time (as far as I could tell) having something to do with the fact that Lexi wanted to put something away in the bedroom and Vicki not letting her in. Screams and total anarchy immediately broke out. I checked on Ellie again and started my 5th load of laundry for the day. Sensing that the older girls were on the verge of tearing each others' hair out, I said goodbye to Emily, sent them to separate rooms, and announced that they were grounded for the rest of the evening because I was tired of the rudeness. This, of course, did nothing to stop the screaming, it just changed the target of the screams. Then I went back into the bathroom to check on Ellie, who had been alone for no more than two minutes, and found her squeezing the last of the shampoo into a tub already filled with most of the conditioner. Great. Empty the tub, rinse the kid, refill the tub, desperately squeeze one more drop of shampoo so I can wash her hair, get out, get dressed, dodge the screams, make dinner.
Then Ellie said, "Oh, no, I'm peeing!" while standing on the chair, not a normal kitchen chair, but the one with her booster seat, which means three layers to go through before it hits the freshly mopped floor. Which means three layers to take apart and sanitize. Chris came home about this time, took one look at me on the floor, surrounded by Clorox wipes, garbage bags, and pieces of the booster seat, plus a half-made dinner on the stove, and turned around and went to Panda Express. What a guy.
The upside to all this is that Ellie, who had had no nap, fell asleep halfway through her hot dog, which I made because I knew she wouldn't make it until Chris got back, and Vicki and Lexi finished their jobs and ate peanut butter sandwiches in their room and were then in bed reading. So Chris and I were alone in the quiet by 7pm to enjoy our Chinese takeout and the banana splits that he stopped and got the stuff for on his way home from Panda Express. Yep, what a guy.